New Blog Link

http://ramblingsofatwinmommy.blogspot.com/

The new blog!

Moving to a New Blog

Inspired by my dear friend MrsMSG, I don't feel that this particular blog suits my current life situation anymore, so I'm going to make a new one. I haven't yet, but I'm going to try today during the twins' next naps. I'm not going to delete this blog, but there will be a new one for all my new wonderings and new road in life:

Some topics that have been crawling at my brain to get out on "paper":

• What do I do now with our frozen embryos? Do we really NEVER want another baby?
• How do I learn to ask for the help I need with the twins?
• ...and how do I get people to back off when I don't want them around? LOL :)
• Am I a martyr like my mother/grandmother? UGH.
• How do I deal with living with my IL's if our house doesn't sell for a year?

DH would tell me that I don't have time to ponder the meaning of life, but I'm going to try. Stay tuned for new blog coming up. I'll post the link when it's ready.

Hugs, Rosebud

Hi!

The title of my new post is just...hi. I've been gone from this blog for so long. Even when I've wanted to write, or thought about it, the actual time, and in some cases the energy to do so escaped me.

Twins blew my world apart. I had NO IDEA what I was in for. It is hard work, and I stay at home with them. No nanny, no daycare, it's all me. And I love that. But boy has it been hard! I would say months 0-6 were pretty brutal, and now it's starting to get really great. And fun!

Watching Ari and Greg actually play together, smile and laugh at each other, and entertain and engage each other is an amazing experience. Both for the extra minutes this spares me to make bottles, do laundry, or change sheets in the cribs, and for just the incredible experience of watching how twins grow up together.

Ari looks a lot like his Daddy, and Greg is the spitting image of me when I was that age, but they both have my blue eyes. It is so incredible to see Jeff and me in them.

Where are we at?? Oh boy. Well, here's the basic lowdown:

• Working on Stage 2 solids. Solids confuse me, and it's so much work! I never know if I'm doing it right, or giving them food at the right time. Well, whatever, they seem to be enjoying themselves. Today they had Vegetable Turkey Dinner for lunch! :)
• FINALLY got tandem crib naps going about 4 out of every 5 days. Occasionally something happens where I can not get them down together, and those are the hardest days, since I never get a break.
• Ari and Greg ended up needing helmets for plagiocephaly (flat heads from sleeping on their backs) at 4 months. We are more than halfway done, so I'm hoping to have helmet-free babies by Thanksgiving. That would be wonderful.
• We have introduced the sippy cup (with a bit of water in it) to practice. They like it! It's so cute. They get drenched though.
• Playtime is mostly tummy time, with toys on the floor. Along with their helmets came some physical therapy, and they banned me from using exersaucers, jumperoos, bumbo seats, anything of the sort. Nope. All awake playtime has to be tummy time. After a rough transition week, they are doing great! They are super-strong. They can sit independently (at 5 1/2 months) and can stand holding onto something. Ari can push up on all fours and rock back and forth, scooting backwards. Greg is still working on that. :)
• I know there's more stuff, but DH is coming back home with our pizza now!!

Gotta run!

Love,

Rosebud

Now that I'm a twin mom--Confessions.

Pic of the Day: Greg and Ari rockin' their Dr. Seuss outfits last week.

Being a mom of twins has had some big surprises. I feel like I should start a new blog just for documenting my twin experiences and the strategies and suggestions I'd give to other twin moms as I learn how to juggle this. Being home alone during the week while DH is at work is rough. Some times (like right now for instance) it seems so easy...they are both napping in their boppy pillows, I'm watching Good Morning America, drinking my coffee. Relaxing, right? I can totally handle this, no prob, I think. Then, in the fashion of twins, they both wake up at the same time. All the calm confidence I had a moment ago dissipates in a frenzy of tandem crying, running for pacifiers and/or bottles, trying to feed both at the same time (an ongoing challenge to say the least), deciding which one to pick up first while feeling guilty and sorry for the other, calming the first guy as fast as I can so I can get to the second. And they are good babies! They are not colicky, there is always SOMETHING that can calm them.

With Ari, my last resort is always swaddling him tight and putting him in the swing, with a pacifier, on the fastest setting. Then he's good. That's my foolproof method with him when he goes into total meltdown. He is SUCH an animated little guy. When he is happy, he is very very happy. He smiles and laughs a lot, "talks" a lot, and can entertain himself pretty well in his bouncy seat or by giving him new views of the house to ponder. But he "times out" on everything, not seeming to know how to go from Content Awake to Napping. So he goes from Content Awake to Screaming Crying in a matter of seconds, his face turning beet red. On my better days I kinda giggle when I calm him, because he is SO dramatic, it's a sad kind of funny. LOL But at least I've figured out all the tricks to calm him back down.

Greg WAS my Mr. Chill Man. He used to sit in his boppy and ponder the world, his eyes wide open and the pacifier bobbing up and down like a bunny's nose. Recently he's gotten a bit more fiesty, and prefers to view the world from over my shoulder as I give him tours of the house. My foolproof method for Greg is cuddling. He loves to be held. Ari does too, but once the true meltdown hits, only the swing method will work. With Greg cuddling will do it nearly every time. He is still much more middle-of-the-road than Ari. He smiles less, but cries less as well. Kinda like DH! Ari must be like me - very passionate and able to work himself into a tizwad on a moment's notice. LOL

In my low moments ("How am I going to do this by myself?" "I haven't eaten lunch and it's 4:00pm," "I haven't slept more than 4 consecutive hours in two months," etc.) I've had the most surprising thoughts. Things that, after 4 pregnancy losses, you would think I would NEVER, EVER think. And if anyone on SAL or PAL had posted thoughts like these, I would have seethed inside reading them when I was still on the PL board. However, let me tell you, fellow readers...when you finally have a baby, you WILL be a normal person again, and have all kinds of normal mom thoughts. I promise. And if I'm saying that, it's certainly true, because I never thought it would be me. Here's some of the worst, which I am confessing have crossed my mind at times:

1) What is the return policy on these guys?
2) Maybe we should have only transferred one embryo.
3) Maybe we've made a huge mistake in general and should have just enjoyed our coupled existence and focused on traveling the world together with all the money we spend on formula and diapers.
4) Feeling insane jealousy of the women on my street who only have ONE baby. They have it soooo easy. Especially the one who is not breastfeeding and sleeps 6+ hours a night since giving birth, b/c her DH feeds at night.
5) Maybe I had all those miscarriages because God knew I was truly not cut out for motherhood. (DH quickly and sternly set me straight on this one, but to say it hadn't crossed my mind would be a lie).
6) Feeling so sorry for the dog, and so exhausted, that you long for the "old days" of just napping on the bed with your furbaby all day long.

OK, so now you know all my dark and dirty thoughts. I wanted to share them because I've been so shocked that I can think these things after everything I went through to bring them into the world. And I want you to know that....well...I only feel guilty that I don't feel guilty thinking them. I feel liberated from my losses in a way. I'm normal again! :)

Of course, I will always look back on the losses as one of the saddest, most difficult periods of my life. But I don't feel the losses any more (side note: I also had a full year of professional therapy to help me through that, which of course helps with closure). I don't think that I "should" have had those babies. I realize that not everyone would feel that way...I think it's different for each individual person. But for me, these are the only two babies I was meant to have, and this is the time I was meant to have them. I feel healed from all the pain of the past, and for that, these guys are truly my miracle babies.

Even though I think the thoughts I listed above, all it takes is one little laugh or smile to keep me going for a whole week. Looking back through their pictures and seeing how fast they've grown in such a short period of time makes me appreciate every moment. Yes, DH and I can't WAIT until they can sit up by themselves, walk, talk to us, etc. (the newborn phase is not our favorite), but there is also something so precious about these little beings that will only be in this phase. So here are some of the things to appreciate about newborn babies:

1) The amazing sense of trust they have in you to take care of them completely.
2) Watching them stare at you while they start memorizing your face.
3) The first time they don't scream in the bath and decide that warm water feels pretty darn good. Soooo cute.
4) How adorable they look sucking on a pacifier when it bobs up and down in their sleep.
5) How loved and needed you feel when they learn to grip your fingers in their tiny fists.
6) The first time you're carrying them over your shoulder and you actually feel that little arm gripping you back.
7) Kissing their neck and inhaling that baby-scented, silky-soft skin.
8) Studying their fingers, toes, ears, eyelashes, and lips in amazement over their perfection in miniature.
9) Moments of complete amazement that these are yours...for keeps!
10) Not having to babyproof your house yet! HA. ;)

Now, away I go to browse through their pictures again, try to appreciate the present, and remember that SOMEDAY they will sleep through the night, give me a hug, and tell me what they want to eat for dinner. :)

Pictures - FINALLY!!!

Hey everyone! Here are pictures over the last 7 weeks of the twins. I have an unknown number of precious minutes to do this (life is insane and I am so full of woe that this blog "ended" so abruptly) but enjoy! :)

DH and I waiting for the C-section to begin.

I meet Ari and Greg for the first time. I was sobbing so hard my oxygen nose thingys got clogged. It was more emotional than I'd EVER imagined.


Ari (left) and Greg (right). 5 lbs 15 oz and 6 lbs 5 oz respectively. No NICU. They were perfect. I am the luckiest mom in the whole world.

Greg and Ari in the hospital.

One week!!

Mommy and the twins.

Ari and Greg in the boppy together.

Sweet Ari-bug.

My little Greggy-bird.

Ari in his bouncy.

Greg in his bouncy.

One month!!

Ari likes this expression!

Little Greg in his froggie outfit.

Cameron likes to babysit.

Their first play session together in Ari's crib.

We took them for a walk in the park this past weekend.

Me and Ari.

Greg is ready for the park.

So is Ari!

This was this morning. Greg is getting so strong!

Tummy time!

Ari in his swing with Cameron watching.

I really hope you enjoyed. This has been one wild ride. We are not getting any sleep, but they are so cute, I forgive them again every morning. ;)

Will write more soon, I promise!

Love,

Rosebud

Last Belly Picture!

37w1d Belly Pic: the last belly pic before my c-section on Tuesday!

Well, with tomorrow being our last OB check before we walk into L&D on Tuesday morning, I thought one last belly pic was in order.

Yesterday I got a pedicure. So I have pretty toes on big swollen elephant feet. I guess that's better than ugly toes on elephant feet. :)

I don't really have much to say except that I can barely contain the excitement and anxiety of waiting for Tuesday to get here.

Only 5 1/2 more days!

Looking back, I honestly do not know how I have made it. All the fear, nausea for 17 weeks, 2 scary falls, countless injections (I have 6 full sharps containters and another full CostCo-sized laundry detergent bottle full of used syringes), and 4 previous pregnancies, 3 D&C's and 1 major surgery throughout 2 1/2 years. How have I made it? I have no idea. No idea at all. But it feels like Tuesday is going to be the beginning of a new era.

I will have two beautiful babies! Incredible. Surreal.

I will never be pregnant again! Woo hoo! I can't wait to feel like my pre-TTC self again.

It amazes me that life can be good again after being so bad for sooo long. I have learned a lot about endurance through this experience. Endurance counts for a lot in life. Maybe it's the only thing that really counts at all.

I will try and post one more time before the Big Day! Hugs, rosebud

8 more days 'til the babies come!

Pic of the Day: Back in December Cam helped DH read up on how to install the car seats. Yes, this picture was pretty "posed" considering the manual is upside down [[snicker]]. But it's still cute.

8 more days! OMG! Except for our messy house, we are soooo ready!

So the scoop is...

We check into L&D at 6:00am on Tuesday the 24th; c-section is scheduled for 8:00am.

MIL and FIL are flying in on the 23rd. We (read: I told DH to inform them) will not be seeing them on the 23rd. I did not want the chaos, and it is our last night as our little family of three. Plus, what if I need to have a full-on wig-out session? I don't want to have to be "on" for anyone before I go into surgery. DH actually thought he could get me to change my mind by suggesting we bring take-out to our house and we all have dinner together that night. Ummm, excuse me, HOW many times have I insisted that I want nobody here beforehand??? OMG, I almost strangled him. I started ranting and raving, "maybe for everyone else this is a party, but for me it is surgery!!" etc. etc. I think he finally gets my point. I told DH that my flipping out is just a preview of what will happen if he doesn't just do what I SAY for the next week and a half. I think I've earned it, sheesh. LOL So, with both of us on the same page again, we told them we'd meet them at the hospital when I get out of recovery on the 24th.

IL's then fly back out that same night, and DH and I will be by ourselves until just before the bris. That's 3 days in the hospital, and then about 5 days at home. I'm very excited about this, since it will give just the two of us a chance to learn how to take care of these babies together, and for me to learn how to breastfeed, without interference.

We're shooting to do the bris on Sunday, March 8th, if the doctor and rabbi (there are no mohel's in KY, go figure!) are both available for that date. We belong to a Reform temple, so 8 days after the birth is looked at as a guideline, not a rule. Surprisingly, a lot of DH's family is planning on coming down! Even his grandmother and great-aunt who are in their eighties! The fact that everyone is willing to make the trip and stay in hotels just to be here is awesome. It is so sweet. I am so excited that the boys will have most of their family there, even though we live out of town. MIL/FIL will come back on Friday the 6th to help us clean the house and prepare for the bris (pick up food, flowers, etc), which I am so thankful for. Now that's the kind of help I can use! :)

After the bris, FIL and everyone else will go home, and MIL will stay with us the week of the 9th. Then she leaves for a week, and comes back with SIL to stay for their spring break (they are both 1st grade teachers) the week of the 23rd.

...and that's the scoop!

I'm pretty happy with the way things are going to work out, and hope nothing changes too much between now and then (in case you haven't noticed I'm a person who likes to have a PLAN). :)

8 more days 'til the babies come! 8 more days! OMG, OMG, OMG.